Off & Running
a Blog of Life on the Run

February
18,
2013

5 glorious vacation days at the beach. Recovering from life. Recovering from myself. Quieting my mind. Planning to write. Planning to listen for God. And then I started drinking.

There are two Melanie's. One is incredibly driven and focused. The other has a glass of booze in her hand. The first Melanie doesn't slow down - her coworkers tease her because she accomplishes more in a weekend than most do in a month. The second Melanie is trying to pretend she's not the first.

I tease myself about being an alcoholic, mostly because I never believe I can give it up completely. I drink, but I don't go overboard. I use it to slow myself down a bit, to help me relieve my stress, to keep me from being so intense.

I only have one speed - overdrive. Unless I have a drink in my hand.

Waking up on my last day of vacation hungover made me come to a screeching halt. I read on the beach, read at the pool, jotted down some notes, even started writing some of the stories I knew I needed to. But then I made myself a glass of something and forgot about everything I needed to do and just went somewhere else. Rinse and repeat the next day.

Over the years, I've talked about giving up drinking or cutting back, only to be told I don't have a problem. I probably don't. I drink less than most drinkers, but I also have a lot more to accomplish. With the plans I have to reach my goals and dreams, I can't let anything get in the way. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. If I start something, I like to finish it, which could be why I can't just have a glass of wine. Go big or go home.

Today, I finally choose my goals and dreams over drinking. At 32, I still have a lot to accomplish. Today is the day I start life without a drink in my hand.

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