Off & Running
a Blog of Life on the Run

September
08,
2013

"It's not the pale moon that excites me, that thrills and delights me. Oh no... it's the nearness of you." - Norah Jones

No matter how perfect our childhoods, things we went through affect the decisions we make as adults. Making those connections allows us to stop our bad behavior and start making healthy decisions. A friend of my says this is how we stop listening to the unhealthy voices in our heads and find our healthy voice.

I was the oldest in a family of four kids. Being the oldest, I was the guinea pig to very young parents. By the time I was a teen, we were learning how to raise a teenager together. It was painful for everyone and I ended up living with other families for weeks at a time throughout high school. I had somehow forgotten about this until recently when I started linking it with my worries of being abandoned. Decisions I had made in relationships, people I had pushed away, and my longing for a home while always moving finally started making sense. 

On a walk through Cabin John Park with Meredith of Healthy Voice yesterday, she quickly put 2 + 2 together to show me that I was a healthy voice for others through my work but in my personal life, I wasn't listening to my own. I felt I needed the nearness of a signficant other to fill the empty space I had felt much of my life, when in reality, I had everything I needed right in front of me.

She joined me last night at National Community Church for the 5pm worship only to have Max Lucado give the sermon. He talked about how we have to realize that God is always near. God promised us He would be, so why do we feel He's not just because we don't feel Him? God is near. Through everything - good times and bad. We can get through anything because He is always right there with us, but we don't always hear Him because we forget to listen for his still, small voice.

This hit home when I took my boys for an early morning walk today again at Cabin John. As I sat on a rock looking at the beautiful scenery, my little Griffin took a huge leap into my lap covering me with sand. He crawled under my leg and made noises like he was frightened and then curled up on me. He needed to be near me and couldn't tell me what was wrong. This sweet puppy needed to be near me. He couldn't stand that he couldn't get closer. In that moment, I realized I had everything I needed. 

No more searching.

God is always near me. My dogs can't stand it when I leave them. I love the woman I have become and enjoy spending time alone with them. This is everything I need. It was time to stop searching and be happy with the full life I lead.

No matter what has happened to you. No matter the feelings you have of worry, abandonment, sadness, fear, loneliness, hurt, frustration, or anger, God is near you. Just like Griffin knowing he could be near me, you should know God is right there waiting for you to draw closer. What else could you need?

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