Off & Running
a Blog of Life on the Run

September
29,
2013

Ever feel like something is missing?
Like you're waiting for something
but you can't put your finger on it?

At church yesterday, Pastor Joel Schmidgall was speaking about the wilderness and shared a conversation he had with his mother after the loss of his father. He put his hands out, palms up and open. His mother said God had told her to live this way, giving everything to God. But one day, she asked "I give it all to you, God, but everything keeps being taken away."

God answered, "Am I not enough?"

Tears started pouring down my face. Those simple words resonated through to my core and struck a nerve. Why haven't I lived with open hands knowing I don't need anything but God?

I have been searching for something I felt was missing. I have had conversation with friends who felt like they were waiting for something but were unsure of what "it" was. The ideal man? The perfect job? The best vacation? The clarity of self-understanding? Today, I realized I am keeping myself from finding exactly what I have been searching for so fervently. One foot in this world, one foot in God's world. This obviously doesn't work.

Going to church since I was born, multiple times a week for most of my life, I've had a love/hate relationship with my Christianity. My OCD/Type A personality loves when things are orderly and perfect. The problem with living a Christian life: it's never going to be perfect. EVER. I can be an inspiring entrepreneur, a fantastic friend, and a loving niece, but with God as my dad, you'd think I'd have a better chance at being a good kid. 

I'm human, you're human - we mess up. It's our job as humans. Even the first humans messed up. But how we can we be the best messed-up humans? We have to remind ourselves that God is enough and we don't need anything else. 

Joel spoke about a poem David wrote while his son was trying to kill him - hardcore wilderness.
"You, God, are my God,
    earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
    my whole being longs for you,
in a dry and parched land
    where there is no water."

                    - Psalm 63:1

That doesn't sound like a man who is going through one of the worst times of his life. But man, if it doesn't wake you up, smack you in the face and remind you that when you are in your toughest times, you can lean on the God of everything. 

Take it from a girl who has been around one too many blocks, messed up friendships, pissed off family members, run away from herself, and made numerous poor life decisions. God is enough. He's bigger than all of us combined multiplied by infinity. Being in a wilderness, waiting for something to happen - God has us. He's just waiting for us to realize we don't need anything but Him.

"When you have a set back
       don't take a step back
           because God is preparing a come back."

Time to open your hands and see if you can trust that He is enough.

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